Happiness after a break up is hard, Happiness after a Domestically Violent breakup is even harder.
How do we find Happiness after a breakup?
If you would have aksed me at the time I would have told you that I was completely broken, lost and had absoulutely no idea how to love myself let alone anyone else. I had the standard "whore phase" that many people do after a breakup or divorce. No, this is not me saying that I slept around or I am calling myself a "slut". I am simply saying that I dated... A LOT... I was trying to fill the emptiness I was feeling with anything or anyone I could. Little did they know that truly, I was broken and my intention was to fill a void the whole time. I bottled up my pain, the desperation and the loneliness that I still felt, even though I was with someone. I was screaming on the inside. The thoughts of always doing things wrong, or always apologizing for EVERYTHING was always there. I didn't want to explain how I was defined by another man as useless, or ugly. You name it, I was called it. So I swallowed my pain, I buried it down deep and smiled to become the person that I thought they wanted.
I did this for so many years, I tried to fill a void with a person when really all I needed was fill the void with myself. I didn't love myself, I wasn't happy, so how in the hell was I supposed to have someone else love me?? I figured that as long as I kept my past the past that I would heal. HAHAHAHA boy was I wrong!
Relationship after relationship failed, I started to truly believe that everything that he told me was true. Everything was my fault, I was excepting the things that I knew I didn't deserve but was made to believe I did.
Trying to figure out how to heal and find myself was hard. I was raising two kids, working so many odd jobs, I just figured that this was the way that it was supposed to be, I was going to be stuck in this place. My first step, was to swear off men, lol, I decided that I needed to focus on me.
I was able to take a trip, the company I worked for sent me to Aruba. Here I was in this amazingly beautiful place surrounded, literally, by the ocean, and for the first time in a long time I felt like I was ready to open up. I had never shared my story before, not even with my family. Let's not say they didn't know because they saw it unfold, however I never told them my side of the story. I wasn't ready to tell anyone but I knew that I had to get it out. I went to the beach in the middle of the night, sat on the beach and just talked. Now I don't know what your belief system is, but for so long I was super angry at God for allowing me to go through what I had, so I can't even say that I was talking to him, I was just talking, Out loud. I cried, I screamed, I literally let out every emotion that I had that night. It felt amazing!!! I promised myself that when I left that place, the beach, the island, that I would leave all my pain there. That from that moment on, it was just my story. I would no longer let it define me as a person. Believe it or not it worked!!! I felt empowered! I felt unstoppable!! I knew that once I landed back home that my life would be different! I decided to OWN my story.
How I found Happiness
I have put together some of the things that I did once I decided to Own my story. Remember, what works for me, might not work for you and that is ok. It's just a basis to start, to understand and to build.
1- LET GO OF YOUR BIGGEST FEARS: They serve you no good.
2- UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE WORTHY... and the fact that you are free from an unhealthy relationship proves it.
3- STOP ASKING YOURSELF "WHY ME?": Change "Why me?" with "I am grateful"
4- RELEASE THE GUILT: Forgive yourself what you did! Forgive yourself for what you didn't do! Forgive yourself for what happened!
5- BUILD NEW YOU FROM THE ASH: Recreate yourself... the person you really are!
6- CREATE NEW MEMORIES: Celebrate your freedom
7- FIND NEW LOVE: Fall in love for the first time... WITH YOURSELF!!
8- STAY WHO YOU ARE: The only person who could make you happy is YOU.. and then you share that happiness with someone else. Your happiness comes from inside you and you are in control of it.
The biggest one that helped me-
9- LET IT OUT!: Tell your story, your pain.
When people ask me now what they can do for themselves, I tell them: "Go outside at night under the stars and look up at the moon, where ever you are. Relax, breathe, and feel the universe hugging you. Just talk, speak your story, Let it all out!!"